24 March 06 – Birthday Letter

My dearest Agha,

Thank you very much for the birthday present although I cannot help but save it for some rainy evening or hour when I can go shop or dine out. I am caught in the rift of study and time. I conducted presentation the other day with extreme bourne supremacy but missed considerably by a small fraction of every idea I tried to deliver home. It was almost like putting thread in the needle hole where the perspective and meanings you say are very immaculate but light, crowd, noise of your own sound, echo in the hall, variance of frowns on varied faces and all other distractions divert you to find your way across the miniature hole of needle and right at the moment when you were only few words away from getting through, those of with the very last of words, subsiding in the last of thought sets, on over one account of heading, they whole story just collapsed. Imagine if you are carrying a full topped glass of coffee to another room and you have reached the room without tumbling even a droplet and the moment you are about to place it on the table, the whole cup is spilled and wasted in just one instant. While writing this does not happen because you can stop and start off after having reflected over or rectified the course being taken and perhaps this is why people stress on speaking slow and to my avail of recent given prior presentation experience, speak not so loud either. My group members do not consent over my style but I think best performance is spontaneous rather than prolonged superficial calculated shallow, ineffective, building over less substantial points by reading slides, however, now that I write, I think, what all is more likely to be considered is spontaneity in the listener in whom response has to be enacted rather my forcing it. Nonetheless, I was greatly disturbed but to achieve better is often found different from means that is pursued to achieving it. Archer once asked me if I am fundamentally the person as I used to be but my reply negated between instrumentals and fundamentals. They are both transiting lately and I have started to seek clarity in things than did otherwise. It is almost like moody is shameless and coming out in the open rather seeking refuge under shaded antiquated words by factorizing and accentuating them.

I also feel less troubled about poetry and reason. I possess skill in both of these but they greatly complement each other if I personalize them in views. Poetry and reason are ends of the same stream but poetry flows downhill and is more synchronized in virtue and necessity in rhythm and rhyme, it has to substitute words as a necessity to create form and character, it then looses vigor for not having reasoned its actual view but not in our own thought which we opinionate in poetry, whereas, reason is freedom to know and articulate facts from that stream without worrying over your format and flow but rather for outcomes those are likely for its usefulness or are of no usage. It smites my cheek each time, but, I will not give up without becoming the man of reason.

Hitherto, mind makes mood and moulds mind again to move its maker from that never ending brooded state of mind. I know me might not make much sense but by doing just one hour financial statistics bears this outcome which is causing me to act as I do. Anyhow, I was so upset with the presentation that in the hailstorm of emotional angst I versed over it leaving my two classmates surprised and somewhat very appreciative. I am blowing my own trumpet but at the time immensely upheavled. In Deutsch there is an old saying, Ein ungluck nicht kommt selten allein ‘misfortunes don’t come single handedly’ and that sure was only start of them since a quiz was held the same very eve. I barely passed it. But these kicks, punches and elbows have not knocked me out but in fact my teeth are obtruding now even more apparent to gain further chewing precision rather than nibbling over adumbrated facts of course work. The weather is wonderful here and it is more than likely to get extremely cold amid coming winter. All the better but rest quite, best of all wishes to you Liberia. I have decided to stick with font size 8 verdana because I believe it brings the very Logic out of me.




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