My Dearest Agha, Monday, August 13, 2005
In the last few days I have been wrangling on the thoroughfares and frivolities of my daily norms. I was not out of words but improvising my ways. I did not have much trouble with reading but the concussions of routine readiness had impeded my writing. Writing can be extremely tedious while your reading desires are on the burner. I would start to read after having written reasonably and by the time I was able to marginalize few paces thoughts became provocative. In trying to resolve single logic of what was being fast read, multiple comparisons started precipitating from the living world and books. The momentum lost meters making the speed burdensome especially when you are reading an old fashioned hard binded book in which a line travails to 13 or 14 words. Not to mention the 2 or 3 words in the hideout of shadow on every line. The eye balls just kept bickering over and across narrow margins and wide spaces yet trying to gobble all bytes together. I guess this is a payment for the price of Taj Mahal and to engage with every apparatus of potential is truly prolific and exhilarating. For a long time in my life I always felt ambivalent toward my inner self and with people around me. A little shy when my ideology tried to surface and to communicate it across the bench. Perhaps, this is Coach Carter’s fear that makes us shine and everything around us. I kept wondering how people would opinionate me and in the process kept plenty incarcerated. Whenever I discussed my demeanors, people caressed stultified faces, sardonic smiles and complete ironic denial of what I tried to deliver. This was always frequent disquietude in Pakistan but views abroad were never sought posthumously. Resultantly, I did not dwell on what was in mind to bear and deliver. Sometimes I eared their erring and occasionally my receptiveness remained audible of their resonation. However it started attenuating the day I began turning and toppling every stone engraved on books. I outsourced consolation but ability to describe views better kept impregnating in me. I slowly started confiding in difficult lives of friend in books and my own idiosyncrasies began resolute me in less difficulty. I think that true love is an icon of eternal human being but to love books lays in him its’ glorification for eternity. To gain that end requires meaningful contemplation, self discipline to draw balance in reading and writing. It is like how Aristotle said that, by slowing down distance is divided and by increasing speed, time reduced.
I have been avidly unfolding arenas of Nixon. It is interesting to read him gambit on every sham of his adversaries. The memory canons, reading pinnacles, nadir writing, celestial thinking and many other discursive elements of lifestyle are starkly conveyed. I don’t suggest that to imitate him should be an implication but when I observe lag in similar situations then they can be put to a test of trial and error to improvise. How rightly or wrong was Whittier to Watergate is a different dispute but his entire methodology to deal with a demanding lifestyle of responsibilities is undoubtedly pragmatic. Brezhnev, Khrushchev, Gorbachev, Eisenhower, Churchill, de Gaulle, Carter, Chou lein, Mao ze tung and plenty of key players his life encompassed at every level of hierarchy. He beheld amazing drive, observation and talents to lead a super power yet was not able to contain his campaign or office. What is most interesting about his writing is how he caricatured accounts of minor personal and office matters yet emblazoned the global agendas coherently. It is the kind of a book which should be reread. I found something very bewildering in his mention of great leaders in years of Wilderness. Arnold Toynbee described the phenomenon of withdrawal and return “disengagement and temporary withdrawal of the creative personality from his social milieu and his subsequent return to the same milieu transfigured in a newer capacity with new powers”. Toynbee accounted his list of historical figures such as Thucydides, Muhammad (PBUH), Confucius, Peter the Great, Garibaldi and Lenin. Nixon recalled Churchill and de Gaulle in the same perspective since they played a pivotal role after living a deserted life for 8 and 13 years but their revivals change every precept of how we history is being remembered.
I bid you big thanks for books of Edward Said.